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Yet Again


Another rough night yet again. I had another agonizing conversation with my mother last night. I was practically sobbing on the phone, begging for her to agree to be taken to the hospital. She was weeping herself, telling me that she doesn’t want to go to the hospital. She doesn’t want needles poking her, nor does she want to be subjected to all kinds of tests anymore. She is tired. She knows that she is nearing the end of her journey.

And the incredible thing is,
instead of me consoling my mother/parents, they are the ones encouraging me. In the midst of their seeming gloom and utter despair, my father and mother are still thinking about me, about my well-being. They want me to be brave, not wanting that I should worry so much, lest my health and my job be affected… Wow. Talk about unconditional love. Reminds me of Jesus, when at the brink of His death on the cross, still had the strength to intercede for us and cry out “Father, pls. forgive them for they know not what they are doing”. This just blows my mind.

So, I went to bed last night, soaking my pillow with tears. I can’t even begin to describe in words how I feel anymore. All I could say was “Lord….”. But He knows. He understands. And with this thought, I somehow fell asleep. When I woke up today, these words/song lyrics, kept on playing in my mind:

You are my hiding place, you shall preserve me in trouble
You shall encompass me about with songs of deliverance.
In times when I’m afraid, I will trust in You.

Think about His love, think about His goodness
Think about His grace that brought us [me] through
For as high as the heavens above,
so great is the measure of our [my] Father’s love.
Great is the measure of our [my] Father’s love.

And I pray that out of His glorious riches may Jesus strengthen my mother with power through His Spirit in her inner being, so that Christ may dwell in my mother’s heart through faith. And I pray that my mother, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that my mother may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. (Eph 3:16-19). AMEN.

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